JI-YEON!!!!

Hey guys, I realize that I haven't been recapping in awhile, and I highly apologize. We're just about a week closer to the finale, so I guess it would be best for me to bring everyone up to date with what's up on the Island. Let's start off where we left off in season four's seventh episode "Ji-Yeon".
Oh, by the by, did I mention that from now on I'll be doing episode recaps with the help of PICTUREVISION?! IT'S LIKE TECHNICOLOR BUT AWESOMERERRRR! (Actually I just discovered the "Add Image" button, so yeah. OFW. :P)

And so now... I present to you...

(Warning: some foul language involved.)

OKAY. So like after the "PREVIOUSLY ON LOST..." thingy, guess where the episode opens?

On the freighter, yay! With Frank Lapidus, nonetheless. How fitting for an episode about Koreans. Anyways, Frank takes a walk around the freighter, he talks to Keamy and OMG we see Regina for the first time, but she's like paranoid and reading books upside down and all of us are like OFW.

So Frank talks to Sayid and Desmond. He's like "Room service, homies?"

Sayid: "You're not black."

And then Frank was like "Riiiiiiight. Well I hope you enjoy your beans. BTW, nice job doing a PrisonBreak from the sick bay. Nobody has any idea how you did a David Blaine thingy with the door."

So Sayid was like "I thought you opened the door."

And then Frank was like "Whatever, bizatches. I did not open the door."

Desmond like flashbacks to Minkowski who was all James Taylor and "You've Got a Friend" and we all thought at that point *COUGHMICHAELMUCH?COUGH*

So anyways Sayid told Frank "I still want to talk to the captain."

And Frank was like "Nuh-uh."

But then Sayid was like "Foschizzle, bizatch. I'm the real west side shiznit."

And Frank was like "That's my niggah."

MEANWHILE...

Back on the beach, Sun is like thinking about a lot of things like being preggers and things she could teach in Jin's next Jinglish 101 class like "I am a Slave4U" or "LOLERZ TXT U LATR!!!"

And speak of the devil, Jin arrives and he's all like "Tally ho, my darling wife. You look distraught. Shall I come to comfort you?"


So Sun is like "Sayid and Desmond left three days ago and I totally miss them but not in the I love them kind of way just the friendly kind of way because I totally love you and I would never have an affair with bald English-speaking Koreans who would gladly teach me English and be killed by my father's henchmen such as yourself."

And Jin is like "... Udders?"

Sun is like "NVM" and Jin then says in perfect Jinglish "Let's talk about baby names, lolz."

And Sun + us are like "OMG Jin we love you and hope you never die."

Jin's like "Our baby will be called Ji Yeon and she will be the cutest baby on LOST, surpassing Aaron and his chubby-ness."

And Sun is like "Mwahaha... Get me off the Island first unless you want me and the frikkin' baby to die sad, sad deaths."

So Jin is like "Deal."

And some a-hole on the other side of the world probably said "NO DEAL!" and probably half of the people who read this will be like "OMG Mi you are so corny you slay me." :D

So anyways we flashback to the future and Sun is like in Korea and all, and apparently she watches Expose in Korean. Die-hard LOST fans are like "OMG the spirits of Nikki and Paulo live on!"
And then Sun stumbles and everything and we're all like what's wrong? And then Sun is like "I'm preggers and in deep pain" and all of us are like OMG!

SUN IS ONE OF THE OCEANIC SIX!!!

L O S T

So like then we see Jin and he's like OMG I'm rushing to the hospital I've got to buy a panda.

So he buys a panda and we're all like Awww how sweet, but obviously the LOST writers and producers, sitting high in their dark volcano lair, are all like "More than meets the eye, biatch!"

And all of us were like "Transformers?! Lololerz."

Back on the Island, Jate/Jacket + Charladay return to the beach and we're all like "I sense another shipper episode coming soon" and the writers grin with evilness in their smile.

So for a moment Jin speaks perfect English, not Jinglish, and Kate is like "I don't listen to Good Charlotte anymore."
Sun was like "OMG she hit you?" and Kate basically told them everything that happened in the last episode.... And we were all like "Dude, we kinda knew that like forever ago" and Kate closed her statement with "I don't think they're going to rescue us" and we were like bitchplease but I was still like "OMG u r hot"

And then Desmond woke up and suddenly we weren't suprised that he woke up wondering why Sayid wasn't on the bed anymore and we were all like "They're surrounded by water and there's virtually no women on that boat! Good God!"

But anyways Sayid was still proper and English with "Good morning, baby. Can I pour you some coffee, honey? You were wonderful last night, by the by."

And Desmond was like "Penny?"

And Sayid was like "NVM"

Suddenly, a mysterious noteslipper slips a note through the door holes of the door which can be totally used for slipping notes!

AND GUESS WHAT IT SAID?

So Daniel, the most awesome memeber of the F-Team, was like fixing a computer and we were all wondering who would build a hotter fembot: Daniel or Sayid?

And then Sun introduces herself and Daniel shows off his awesomeness by saying "I'm Daniel", then nodding, then briefly smiling, and we were all like "DANIEL YOU ARE THE COOLEST GUY EVER."
But Daniel was being really shy and Sun was being pissed off and hormonal which is okay coz she's preggers and not naturally bitchy.

Jin showed off his Jin-glish to Jack to score some cocoa puffs, and then Sun was like "Hey Jack, I'm here to discuss something with my husband that does not involve going postal and leaving your team. Mmkay?" And Jack was like "Sure thing."

Juliet was dense enough to realize their evil scheme so she was like "You need to get off the Island, Sun. Stay with us." But Sun was like "I'm going to do what's best for me and my baby... Breastfeeding is best for babies up to two years!"

Meanwhile, Sun was being rushed into the hospital and Sun was like "Get Jin plz."

We were all like "Thank God Jin's safe and off the Island and not dead" and the only thing the LOST writers and producers could do was continue their evil smiles and Mwahahas.

So Jin was like on the phone, but we were like "Who could he possibly be talking to? Sun's in labor." And then he leaves his panda bear in the taxi and the taxi leaves him and then a bike runs over his phone and Jin has a major BF and all of us are like "Poor Jin."

So Jin walks back and he's like "I need another panda" but the store dude is like "it's on reserve" and Jin is like "I've got the money bizatch" and we're all like "Jin sounds aggressively like Jin pre-Island."

So Sun and Jin are ready to go the Camp Lumberlocke and leave Camp Lumberjack (Get it? 'Coz his name is Jack..........) but they don't know the way there so Kate is like "Do you need me to draw you a map?" and Sun is like "Yes" so Kate is like "Sure thing."

And then Juliet comes storming in like a Gestapo officer and she's like "STAY IN CAMP LUMBERJACK."

But Sun is like "Heyl naw" so she takes Jin and says "If we hurry, we can get some ho-ho's and cheez-it's while they're fresh."

And then Juliet does the most BITCHY THING EVER: "Jin, your wife had an affair." AND WE WERE ALL LIKE HOLY SHIT THAT KANYVING BITCH IS THAT HOW YOU SPELL KANYVING? IDK It's kinda like Ka-Knive-ing.

And Sun naturally responds...

With a bitch slap.

But Jin is like all confused and "... Udders?" and we're all so sad about it because Jin is like about to cry.

And they end up crying about it anyway, but Jin won't even talk to Sun and Bernard wants to go fishing with Jin and Jin's like "Okey dokers, skipper" but then Bernard realizes they're crying and he's like "Oh shit. Bad timing."

But they end up fishing anyways.

Then Bernard says "We're the only married guys on the Island, you know."

Then Jin gets all smirky and he's like "MARRIED."

But then Bernard is like "Oh dammit... I mean, not to each other...... Brush and floss twice a day. I am Rambo."

And Jin feels so inspired because Bernard is talking about karma and stuff and he's like "You do realize I am Korean, right?" but Bernard is like OFW Karma is great anyways.

So on the freighter, Doc Ray is like "The captain would like to see you now" and Sayid and Desmond are like "What are you? His nurse?"

But when they get on the deck, they realize OH NOES The helicopter is gone so they slowly start to freak out, but Desmond is the only one who's spaced out enough to notice that the Regina chick from the start of the episode is like Iron Maiden and totally like Jack at the end of last season.

And Desmond's like "We've got to save her, brotha!" And we're all like "BROTHA!!!!"

But then the Captain comes out and makes an asshole-ish first impression by saying, "Don't save her! She's got cabin fever!"

And Sayid was like "She's got cabin fever?"

And Desmond was like "She's got cabin fever."

And everyone on the freighter was like "I've got cabin fever!"

But before everyone could break into song, the Captain was like "Someone has broken our engines."

And Sayid was probably thinking "Hmm... The only people who I know have technological experience are that Daniel guy, Michael, and myself. However, I sure didn't do it and Michael is so obviously not on this freighter, so it must've been Daniel!"

And Desmond was like "Good thinking, Sherlock!"

So in the Captain's office, he shows them a mysterious box and we're all like OMG it's another LOST reference to mystery boxes, but then the Captain was like "This box is from Oceanic 815 with all the passengers dead." And the Captain knew it was obviously staged, so all of the actually observant LOST fans were all like, "WTF Widmore stages a fake crash and then hires someone and makes him think someone else did it?"

OK so back on the Island like Juliet says "I'm sorry I was being a bitch."

"Sometimes breastmilk doesn't work the way it should."

"I mean, what if you have AIDS? That can't be good, right?"

Okay so back to the future, the docs are like "Damn that bitch is huge" and we're all like Lololertz but WTF is Jin?

And then Sun gives birth and it's like the circle of life for everybody. And even though she's covered in blood, we know the baby's probably cute if she wasn't... covered in blood.

So anyways back on the freighter, the Doc is bringing Sayid and Des to a new room. He's all like "I'm sorry the last room we gave you was quite crappy. I can assure you that this next room is much crappier."

So then the Doc calls up this guy Johnson, and we're all like, hey cool it's the first black guy on the ship.

We haven't had much black people on LOST since Eko died.

I mean like the only black Islander right now is Rose, but--

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-- I mean, Michael! HOLY CHRIST IT'S MICHAEL! I'M SO SURPRISED! I TOTALLY DID NOT SEE THAT COMING!!!!

But Sayid is all cool about it. Maybe all that cabin fever made Sayid forget WTF Michael was.

I sense an ass kicking coming along.

And then Jin and Sun finally have their retribution and we're all like OMG it's an awwww moment coz he made Sun dinner.

And Jin's like so accepting about it and everyone's so happy and we're all like OMG this is like a Korean version of that scene in the Constant with Penny and Des.

And then we get back to the Adventures of Jin and the Stuffed Panda! A lot of us are like really confused because apparently the panda bear is not for Sun but he's like "I heard the Ambassador is now a grandfather. XOXO Gossip Dude."

And then he tells the nurse that he hasn't been knocked up since he got married two months ago. AND THEN THAT'S WHEN WE WERE LIKE "DOUBLE-YOU. TEE. EFF???"

So we get back to Sun and she's apparently finishing the lipstick job from the start of the episode. The doorbell rings and lo and behold:

IT'S HURLEY!!!! And he's come to devour the baby!!!

Relax folks, I was only kidding.

OMG Baby Ji Yeon is so cute. There will sooooo be a total showdown between Ji Yeon and Aaron on the cuteness battleground.

And then Hurley is like "I guess we should see him." And all of us are like, "See who?"

And then it hits us. The Adventures of Jin and the Panda was not an adventure in the future. It was a flashback.

IT ALMOST GETS AS EMOTIONAL AS LAST SEASON'S CHARLIE SWANSONG SCENE. EVERY LOST FAN AROUND THE WORLD PROBABLY CRIED WATCHING THIS. ME INCLUDED.

We miss you and love you, Jin.

L O S T

BEWARE OF SPOILERS ABOVE!!!!

(Pictures are courtesy of http://www.lost-media.com Please comment guys! Thanks!)